Well as per usual, today should have been a day of writing and stuff. but i was out partying till 6am this morning so things have been a bit…. slow. Mrs Sex Farm has decided to undergo a “Game Of Thrones” marathon while i sit in the corner drooling and mumbling “durrr” every few minutes.
And since my malevolent streak is now nice, big and purring, i want to inflict some pain and distress to the world. And now my chance has arrived to do so. So for this week, i’M foisting some pure, top prime schlock to your disbelieving eyes. Ladies and gentlemen, i give to you DEATH WISH 3 (1985)
Directed by car insurance salesman and fast food reviewer Michael Winner, Old codger Charles Bronson again plays the dead eyed vigilante Paul Kersey, travelling to New York under an assumed name to see an old army buddy. However his buddy has been beaten to death by vicious gangs terrorising the neighbourhood. Before he can do anything, he is arrested and forced back into his old gang member blasting ways by a crooked cop who want to get the gangs off the streets.
Man this is a wretched movie by anyone’s standards. A borderline-fascist sadistic wank fest, it’s the sort of film that makes Daily Mail readers go weak at the knees, and is only watchable due to the fact that it’s so unintentionally hilarious. From the opening credits playing some shit electro 80 jazz, you have Bronson (who is near pensionable age by this time) running around like a man with a gun for a hard on. The OTT acting and action scenes are cringe inducing in the extreme (many of the cops and gang members were english and had their voices dubbed by American actors). Even though the film is based in New York, most of it was shot in London to save costs – and it shows. And when you get things such as a guy making a gun with a piece of pipe, or Bronson ordering high level ordinance through the mail, then you know that the script writers really had some issues with reality.
Death Wish 3 is one of those movies that seriously makes you wonder how they ever got made. ti’s hard to believe that Winner has made SIX more films after this.
So if you want to see the whitest ghetto in town get torn apart by some crazed pensioners, then sit back with a Beer and Let Death WIsh 3 do it’s dirty work…